


Last Minutes of Randomness

by FaeriArchive (FaeriMagic)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Mild Language, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-03
Updated: 2011-08-03
Packaged: 2020-06-27 22:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19798744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaeriMagic/pseuds/FaeriArchive
Summary: Find this work on:✿DeviantArt✿The Girls:MeiWinry RockbellRiza HawkeyeThe Boys:Edward ElricAlphonse ElricRoy MustangBlack HayateFuhrer





	Last Minutes of Randomness

**Author's Note:**

> Find this work on:  
> ✿ [DeviantArt](http://fav.me/d442jbv) ✿
> 
> * * *
> 
> The Girls:  
> Mei  
> Winry Rockbell  
> Riza Hawkeye
> 
> The Boys:  
> Edward Elric  
> Alphonse Elric  
> Roy Mustang  
> Black Hayate  
> Fuhrer

Scene 1: _Mei, Ed, Winry, and Alphonse are...chatting..._  
  
Mei: Alphonse-sama is so much better than Edward-bozu. * _Note that -bozu basically means "squirt" in Japanese._ *  
Ed: Whatja say, Xing??  
Al: Ed, don't scare her, she's just a girl.  
Mei: That's my Al-sama! Oh, Al!~  
Winry: Why do you like Al so much, Mei?  
Mei: You see, after my maidenly heart was broken by that freak over there...[ _points to Ed_ ]  
Ed: Whatja say??  
Mei: ...I was drawn in by Alphonse-sama's metal aesthetic-ness...  
Winry: ...Aesthetic-ness...?  
Mei: ...His gentle voice...  
Ed: ...Gentle...voice?  
Mei: ...And his kindly ways.  
Al:   
Ed: Who would ever fall in love with that lump of metal?  
Al:   
Mei: Weren't you listening? I would, that's who! I'm sure Al-sama's extremely handsome, unlike Edward.  
Ed: ...  
Winry: But don't you think you'll be disappointed? I mean, you were totally crushed when you finally saw that Ed wasn't tall.  
Ed: ...  
Mei: But unlike Edward, he'll always be kind, so it doesn't matter.  
Ed: ARGH, I can't TAKE it anymore! Are you saying I'm not handsome?? Not TALL enough for you? Not kind?  
Mei: Al-sama doesn't lose his temper either.   
Ed: I give up. Just kill me already, since everyone hates me.  
Winry: It will be my pleasure. This will equal all those times you broke my automail. Equivalent exchange, wasn't it? [ _giggles evilly_ ]  
Al: Brother, she doesn't mean that. Brother! Brother! [ _shakes Ed_ ]  
Ed: ...What?  
Al: Brother, are you OK? You weren't breathing!!  
Ed: How could I when you were shaking me!!  
  
[ _Mei hits Ed on the head with a frying pan, Ed is knocked out._ ]  
  
Mei: Don't you _dare_ talk to Al-sama that way!!  
Winry: It's alright, Al. Ed has a hard head.  
Al: Mei, where were you when Ed called me a lump of metal?  
Mei: Oh, I was contemplating our fantasies together. [ _sighs_ ]  
Winry: [ _laughs nervously_ ] Awkward...  
Mei: [ _sighs_ ] So...wonderful...  
Al:   
Roy: I feel bad for ya, kid. You see, I've been on that block before. Once you're famous, women can't resist ya, and so, you're hounded like an adorable puppy.  
Winry: ...What in the world are you talking about?  
Roy: My fantasies.  
Winry: ...Al, let's go somewhere else. This room is infested with weird people.  
  
LATER...  
  
Ed: Where's Winry?  
Hawkeye: [ _smirks_ ] Winry? Not Al?  
Ed: [ _hastily amends_ ] Where's Winry and Al?  
Hawkeye: Oh, they went together somewhere. Away from other people.   
Ed: o.o NOOOOOO, WIINNNRRRRYYYYYYY!!! CURSE YOU, AL! Taking away Winry while I was unconscious! You cheapster!  
Mei: [ _snaps out of her fantasies_ ] NOOOOO, AL-SAMAAAA! How could you take him while I was having my wonderful fantasies?! You wench!  
Mei and Ed: I'll rescue you from that monster! [ _goes to find their loved ones_ ]  
Hawkeye: Uber weird...Now, to take care of this idiot...  
Roy: [ _still in fantasy mode_ ] Women in mini-skirts! Hallelujah, I'm in heaven!  
Hawkeye: [ _mutters_ ] I was hoping it wouldn't come to this. [ _clears throat, changes voice to a high pitched voice_ ] Oh, Mr. Roy, dear.  
Roy: [ _turns around_ ] Yes, my darlin', what can I do for ya? [ _blinks_ ] Riza?  
Hawkeye: [ _points a gun in his face_ ] Say your prayers, Mustang.  
Roy: [ _screams_ ]  
  
EVEN LATER...  
  
Ed: There you are, you scum! What do you think you're doing?  
Al: Uh...playing checkers?  
Ed: OHRILLEH?? Winry! What did Al do to you?  
Winry: Huh? Nothing, we just played checkers. Is that what you mean?  
Ed: You mean...you just played checkers.  
Winry: Pretty much. Why?  
Ed: .... Nothing, nothing at all, you guys just continue with your little ga--OWW!  
Mei: [ _pushes, no, punches Ed aside_ ] MOVE, you worthless lump! Al, Al-sama! Oh, Al, I was so worried! [ _hugs Al and begins to cry_ ]  
  
Ed: In the end, Al was reunited with his wife, Mei.  
Al: Whaaattt?? Hey, wait, take that back, Ed!  
Ed: And Winry spent her time repairing my automail that Mei broke.  
Winry: Damn BOTH of you, _don't remind me of it!_  
Ed: I got broken ribs and an aching head.  
Mei: Look! Ed's hurt! Let's poke him with a stick!  
Ed: [ _glares at Mei before continuing_ ] Roy was never cured of his perverted fantasies.  
Roy: Miniskirts...  
Ed: Black Hayate used this skit as an opportunity to go to the bathroom.  
The Fuhrer: ...Is that what I think it is?  
Ed: And Hawkeye? You know what Hawkeye is doing.  
Hawkeye: **Black Hayate! _Didn't I tell you to pee outside??_** [ _aims gun_ ]  
Black Hayate: [ _yelps_ ]  
  
[ _Hawkeye chases Black Hayate as the rest of the characters watch in amusement_ ]  
  
Winry: You gotta love the randomness of it all.  
Ed: This has been Edward Elric, signing off. Sayonara!  
  
::AD::  
Help Ed fight against his enemy in the Ultimate Showdown!!  
  
Edward Elric vs. Edward Cullen  
Alchemist vs. Vampire  
  
The more fans he has, the more powerful he becomes!  
The only question is, which Ed do YOU choose?  
  
[ _picture of a smiling Edward Elric_ ]  
[ _picture of a frowning Edward Cullen_ ]  
__________________________________  
  
Roy: Why is it always that brat? Why is it never me?  
Hawkeye: Didn't you scream in the skit?  
Roy: That was a yell. Not a scream.  
Hawkeye: [ _checks script_ ] It was a scream. A rather girlish scream, if you asked me.  
Roy: But why is it always him?? Why must I only be a minor character and always be portrayed as the enemy? [ _sobs_ ]  
Hawkeye: Why? Because the series is over. And when the series is over, so is the FanArt and FanFiction, and this skit. Everything is over. Get used to it. We shall wallow in our misery thus forth. Do I have to continue?  
Roy: It would be nice.  
Hawkeye: [ _clears throat and faces audience_ ] Goodbye, my viewers. Here is where we must part. Never again, shall you hear from me, and never again, shall I hear from you. Goodbye, goodbye and farewell. Here is where my chapter ends and yours begins. How was that?  
Roy: [ _completely ignoring Hawkeye and still bawling like a baby_ ] It's not faaaiiirr, I want my own series! Whatever happened to the Flame Alchemist?  
Hawkeye: [ _pissed_ ] He drowned. Now shut up.


End file.
